So anyway, yesterday my car’s PPF got weird. If you guys don’t know, a PPF is like a protective film layer applied to a car’s paint job, kind of like adding a phone screen guard. The point is to protect the paint job underneath the film. the film itself is proclaimed as “self healing”. Yesterday some part of the PPF got blurry and become matte finish if that makes sense. I contacted my car’s salesperson and he arranged the car to be examined by the PPF company, so I dropped the car at the showroom.
My car’s salesperson is a very wonderful person, very truthful, very attentive, never pushed me into purchasing unnecessary things, outside of his work and cars, we talk about a lot of things.
Well, yesterday he told me that he’ll be resigning soon and this month will be his last month. Hearing that I felt a mixture of sadness because he’d been so reliable and a good friend, but at the same time I was proud that he was able to walk out from a workplace that didn’t treat him fairly.
I thought about my 5 years in residency and thought that I probably had too much tolerance to the pressure. Probably because of the goal that I made and also the way I don’t want to let my family members down. Even though at multiple points in those 5 years I really want to close my eyes and forget about the goals and dreams that I made and the sadness and disappointment that my family would express, and just drop out from residency. Heck, even quit as a doctor if I have to, since a dropped out resident couldn’t really go back to become a GP again (well you can, but my mindset was not suited to work as a GP anymore).
I remember when I applied to the job I am in now, the interviewer asked me what kind of colleague that I hate the most. I answered the ambitious one, the one so ambitious that they’ll do anything to make sure other people fail. I wonder to myself, isn’t that the people I met in residency? lol. We are not even in the same work place graduating from residency. We go home to different families. We don’t even exchange messages anymore. Then why in residency lots of people are cutthroat?
One of my juniors in residency (bless him) asked me how I felt entering residency that young, told him a mixture of being too naive, being people’s mat and got envied for being that young at the same time. He asked me if I were to turn back time would I start my residency that young? I told him no, I’ll work 3-4 years more in the ER, probably picking another specialty program after.
Another question that I got asked is what kind of boss that I hate. I answered the one who is already biased from the start. The people who look at our skin color, our eye shape, our beliefs, the way we present ourselves and already give minus points, even though in the end we have acquired some points, our final result is never better than the people they prefer. I don’t have to go into details about how some of my attending doctors acted.
If I think about it again, we didn’t get paid (we did for a while, but then it’s peanuts, say 50 dollars a month), we got screamed at, we were overworked into our bones, we don’t have a life outside residency, we don’t get our belief’s holiday. Did we have Stockholm syndrome or something? Or the attending doctors dangled our specialists degree in front of us like carrots or something?
Probably all of those.
I think I really appreciate the gen-z’s mindset that mental health in the work place is important, which for my generation is often overlooked and not really the main concern, perhaps now the superiors will consider mental health as something important.
Anyway. That’s just my rant. See you guys soon.
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