Finally, after 2 years of residency (and 2 years of the pandemic), I finally get what I like to call, a much deserved holiday!!!
Last two Hari Raya we didn’t get full holiday on account of covid. What will happen to residents who don’t get breaks everynow and then?
Exactly, burnt out.
Will be off duty for 10 days now, HAHA so happy 🥰 loads of things to be happy about this year (so far) wish for more happy things to look forward to.
Finally could use this illustration of mine!
Even though it’s a long holiday, I’ll be spending my time home. Just chilling and watching movies. Hanging out with friends 😝 this is a much needed break.
So as I promised, a more elaborate post on how I made my header.
As written before, I made this blog in the beginning of 2018. In February I made my first post too actually, so this month is the birth month of thatsleepyzombie 🎉
Back then I knew I wanted to make a blog with the name zombie in it. My old blog was a name that my sister gave me. I loved writing in that blog, but somehow I didn’t think I really fitted the name anymore.
Why zombie you ask? You could read the story in the About me page. Besides calling myself a zombie, I also like watching zombie movies and TV series actually 😂 (if anyone has a good recommendation do tell me), I’ve always liked myths and folklores since I was little anyway.
First sketch
2017 is also a year full of roller coasters. I wanted to make a fresh start. So after numerous attempt of creating a name that I love, I came up with that sleepy zombie.
I wanted to made the blog very personal and if I could, I wish I could design everything from scratch (except the web design because I haven’t figured out the whole concept of web designing etc), I decided to at least… you know, make the header and the icons.
Even though I had did photoshop illustrating in highschool and some years in my university, I grew to resent it because of the organization I was in had different artstyle approach and I felt under-appreciated there. As a writer (they didn’t let me put my name in the article) and as a designer (no constructive feedback and unthinkable deadlines).
Which is funny because prior of being a doctor I thought to be an architect or working in design just like my sisters.
But I know in order to make my personalized blog comes true I decided to face my setback and make the zombie.
So I tried to sketch a few of the zombie design with the help of my sister. My sister said to trace it on paper and scanned it, and then tracing and coloring it in photoshop.
This is my first sketch! I made this on the 13th of September in 2017 (luckily I kept track of the emails)
So as you can see there were only minor changes made from the original design. My sister said to try and make the zombie more cartoon like because she said it’s quite scary 😂 especially the brains and the worms.
You can see that the stitches on the heart represent something, which you could interpret yourself.
This was after using drawing marker 🥰 I love the proportion and the way the zombie looked. Because it looks cute and scary at the same time if that makes any sense
Coloring in…
Picking colors was something that I struggled with back then. I knew I wanted a green zombie since… zombies are identical with green. But what shade of green? And also, won’t green clash with everything?
I experimented in photoshop with colors and finally came up with two version
First version. I’m sure you are familiar 😉second version, I wanted a more teal color for the zombie
Ultimately I decided to use the first one. I think I made the right choice 🥰
First header
Because my previous blog color theme was blue. I wanted a blue colored header too. So this is what I came up with
I like it actually. I like how simple it is and how the colors matched with the whole theme.
But I made the second version too because… why not 😂
Surprisingly I really liked the lighter background. So I decided to use this one instead.
And that is the story of how I made my zombie and my first header 🥰
3 years later, in 2021. When I started adding my illustrations here, I wanted a little change, so I decided to change the header.
In my mind I wanted sunflowers and a rainbow. But as you might learn from me, I am very chill about this, so when it didn’t work out the first time I just leave it at that and then next time eventually come back to it.
This one is the first sketch of the header (and at that time I wanted the first sketch to become the final result too 😂)
But it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be. First one is because the apple note application couldn’t create custom size.
Secondly because in procreate I didn’t find an eyedropper tool (procreate newbie here), I gave up.
And of course, I had a specific image in my mind how the header would turn out. When it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be, I just shrugged and left it at that.
But a few days ago, I finished my patients early and gets to hang out with my seniors and my iPad was on that day (sometimes I forgot to charge my iPad since the battery is very long lasting), so I decided to open procreate and found the empty canvas from 2021.
I tried to sketch a few sunflowers there and ending up liking the way it looked.
Then I just drew.
I really like this procreate video feature actually 😍 As you can see I like to make the sketch layout layer disappear and reappear.
Of course because of the eyedropper tool, I decided to draw the zombie from the note app and pasted it into the header in procreate.
After it’s done I went to photoshop and just took the old text 😂 because I still really like the old text and decided to use them anyway.
It’s a wrap!
That’s the whole story on the creative process on this blog. I think writing it down is a good choice since one day in the future I could look back. I hope you enjoy this post!
Hi everyone! As I scrolled through Tiktok, I landed to the relatable side of Tiktok. Which were the part where people with nice skin telling their acne story. Or where people with acne talk about their journey.
What is it about our face that makes us want to achieve perfection? I guess because people identify other people with their faces, and if you are pretty or handsome it does help in life 🥲
So here I am wanting to make a post about my acne journey. I don’t know if you would enjoy reading it but I’d like to pen it down ✒️
Disclaimer: This is my story, what works for me may not work for you. Please see a professional healthcare provider for advice, not some zombie doctor who doesn’t dabble in dermatology and writes blogs in her free time because she is way too shy to appear in any social media.
But do share your acne story if you have one. Living in a very physically oriented country (not as bad as some other Asian countries though thankfully), makes me aware of how much our looks play part in our daily lives.
So for fellow acne fighters or acne survivors (?) out there, hang in there, I’ve been there too.
As someone who is always have some degree of interest in skincare and makeup (I wear makeup daily and took care of my skin). I dabbled into skincare and sun protection when I was 18 (a bit late but better late than never) and makeup when I was 21 (and it’s because I went on a “date” 😂).
I had relatively clear skin before I went to university. I went to the dermatologist here and there but overall okay ish skin.
How some people makes a big deal out of it.
All hell breaks loose when I was in my fourth year of university, maybe it’s the combination of stress of thesis and being a med student. I started getting breakouts in every part of my face. My chin, cheeks, nose and forehead.
It was so bad that when I went to the mall I saw sales associates started chasing me to offer some acne medications. Not only in Surabaya, but even in Singapore 😪 I would saw these women jogging and sprinting towards me whenever I walked passed the pharmacy or some kind of beauty product store.
Mask weren’t a thing anyway back then. So paired with my pale ass skin (yo girl here is a zombie. Of course she has pale skin), my acne and post acne scars was on display for everyone to see 😂
I avoided well lit beauty store like the plague since they highlighted my skin.
And when I started my HO, the nurses would comment things like “wow your skin is full of acne.” Something like that.
I remember one of my friends said, “why don’t you do something about your skin? It’s so bad.”
When I went out with mom some of her friends would say things like “your daughter’s skin so bad. Please change her pillowcase every night and don’t let her touch her face so much.”
Wait, let me try to find a photo of my skin
Here is my skin circa 2016, maybe 2016 was a bad year afterall 😂
That’s me with little bit of makeup and using the blurry front camera of iPhone 6s anyway. I think I had worse state than this but I couldn’t find a photo.
Also, see the eyebags 😂 that means I’ve been a zombie since a long time ago.
So what helped me?
1. The right dermatologist.
When I said right, I meant the one who takes care of you wholeheartedly and good for your mental health ✨ the one you believe in and comfortable with.
Shoutout to dr. AP 🥰
I started seeing dr. AP because my grandpa said he likes dr. AP (and my grandpa is your typical Chinese grandpa you know. It’s not easy to find a doctor who vibes well with him, especially younger doctors)
He started the session with saying that my acne is not as bad as it seemed (don’t let other people said to you otherwise he said) and he said confidently,
“I will help you heal. I will help you heal so you don’t even need to see the dermatologist anymore.”
dr. AP, 2015
Whoa. So confident. I like this guy already.
He proceed to take some pictures of my skin and then explaining what will he do. (He knows I am a med student at this point).
He said that I have sensitive skin so no facial, no injections, no stinging alcohol products for me. He will give the gentlest treatment.
Then, he prescribed some creams and he asked me what sunscreen and makeup did I use and how I like it. If I like it I could continue using it. Even if I have like a favorite facial wash or moisturizer I could continue and he’ll prescribe the treatment around them.
He said that my acne is only temporary and he said to see when I turn 24.
I remember using his prescribed medications and getting better and better. Seeing him every month was nice too, he is the type of doctor that likes to joke around and never criticize. 10/10 ✨
6 months later he said that I could stop seeing him and just continue with the medications, and only make an appointment when really needed.
😱😱😱
So I did continue with his medications for a while, and as time goes by I learn about my skin and what my skin likes (what kind of cleanser, what kind of moisturizer) and don’t like (the ingredients I am sensitive to) and learning as a doctor how to take care of them.
When I turned 24, dr AP was right. My skin did significantly get better. I only had occasional acne and by then I know my skin better too.
I owe dr AP credit for my skin now. Thankyou for believing in me (as a doctor, capable of researching and taking care of my own skin) and being so open minded towards other products.
2. Loving your skin.
I know it’s hard right now, especially in social media when you see these influencers with clear, poreless, blemish less, and glowing skin even you could see it from miles away.
Those people would made me insecure too back then. Won’t lie, they looked amazing, I just wished I could have those kind of skin.
It’s hard to love your skin when it’s full of acne, oily or way too dry. When it doesn’t glow or not in their best state. When you see the pores on your nose and cheeks and wishing them to be like those photos with filters on.
But you are born with the skin you have now. They did so much for you, if you know what the skin does everyday, you’ll know that they are working hard for you.
Very, very hard. It is the largest organ of the body.
It doesn’t have to be a post of how much you love your skin or anything that people perceived as self love nowadays. It could be silent and only yourself knows how much you love your own skin.
Loving your skin looks like…
Hydrating enough. From inside and outside. Drinking enough water for yourself everyday. Using moisturizer that works for your skin.
Protecting your skin the way you can. Sunscreens. Avoiding prolonged sun exposure. Avoiding smoking etc.
Seeing the characteristics of your skin and making adjustments for them.
Listen to your skin, treat it well, it will be worth it. I promise.
3. Give it time.
Be patient! Change doesn’t comes instantly. I needed a few years for my skin to be in their state now. I needed a few years to understand them. I need time to fully love them.
Don’t beat yourself up if acnes showed up. Don’t beat yourself up when you forgot your skincare. Don’t beat yourself up if somehow something doesn’t go as planned or if you didn’t achieve your goal within a time you set for yourself.
4. Remembering these things.
Having problematic skin is not your fault. Never let anyone makes you believe that it’s somehow your fault.
Everyone wants clear, blemish less skin. Nobody wants to be an acne fighter. It cost money, it cost time, it cost your mental health (listening to people and getting your ears hot and heart broken).
Be kind to yourself. People had been mean to you, the least you can do is to be the person who is kind to yourself.
Does this words sound familiar to you?
“Have you tried you know, washing your face?”
The girl that probably parties every weekend, slept with makeup on and probably wash her face less than you
“You should try x and x product, it helped our customers with their acnes, yours should too!”
Probably a sales associate trying to make ends meet
Yep. I’ve been there. Listen, the people you should take into consideration are:
Yourself ✨
your favorite dermatologists 🥰 (I listen to the dermatologists in social media too. Nothing wrong with that)
And the people that are kind to you. Who supports you and you can feel that they are not condescending towards your problems.
Repeat after me.
We. Do. Not. Need. Condescending. People. Commenting. About. A. Problem. They. Might. Not. Even. Have
After myself and the dermatologists, I actually listen to some kind sales associates that I’ve met over the years.
I have the sweetest sales associates. Even when I have acne they never judged or say anything harsh, I always ask them for any new products they recommended. They are such gems, very grateful to meet them.
I’m very sure acne fighters will always remember the people that were kind to them. Because those kind of people are rare, and they are truly genuine.
5. What works for me
This part here is not so that you follow my steps, but the things you can learn to understand about your skin.
1. Foods that set off my skin.
For me I noticed my skin reacted really badly with dairy products (especially milk. Yoghurt, ice cream and cheese too but to a lesser extend) and poultry. I started getting redness on my nose area and under eye, and then starting to itch and boom, next day a big pimple appeared like a wild pokemon 🐥
So I did reduced my dairy and poultry intake and has been somewhat “dairy free” (I still eat cheese, yoghurt and icecreams though) and poultry free for 5 years now.
Pay attention to what food and habits that made your skin act up. Even when most researches don’t link dairy and acne, I believe that there are things that doesn’t always make sense and there would be someone that doesn’t really fit into the general population (after all we are different individuals), I’ve met some people who said that when they avoid eggs their skin gets better. When they avoided sugar their skin gets better. Etc.
2. Ingredients I am sensitive towards to
I am allergic to some fruit extracts and some preservatives in skin care. How do I know this? I gather the things that worked and didn’t work for me, and crosschecking what are the ingredients that appeared multiple times in the things that didn’t work.
It may take a while to find out but it pays off well. I learn to read every ingredient lists trying good things and avoiding those that have things that triggers my skin.
3. Daily skincare that my skin appreciate
My skin loves moisturizers.
I think if my skin could speak they will sing and makes poetries about their love towards moisturizers 😂
My skin loves the clear ish moisturizers, ones that hydrate well but not too thick.
My skin loves moisturizing face wash. Which is weird since my skin is oily, but they love face washes thats meant for drier skin.
Every morning after I woke up I prepare breakfast and proceed to eat breakfast, then I took a shower and then brush my teeth, washing my hands (important!) then wash my face with moisturizing face wash and cold water (I find my skin doesn’t get red as much with cold water).
Why it is in that sequence? Simple, because my skin is sensitive to some ingredients in toothpaste and mouth wash. So I always wash my hands after brushing my teeth and wash my face afterwards.
Then I use hand sanitizer (again, clean hands helped), a alcohol free toner, serum (I like vitamin C serums for brightening, moisturizing and anti oxidant), emulsion (a lightweight moisturizer), then moisturizer. Sunscreen. Then makeup.
For night it’s almost the same as in the morning but I use heavier serum, emulsion and moisturizer. I exfoliate with AHA toner (my skin is a bit too sensitive for stronger retinoids) twice a week after washing my face and before my normal toner. sometimes I use facial masks, but not routinely.
My skin tolerate masks well. Some of my seniors put tissue between their skin and mask because they get acne using masks.
I always remember to wash my hands and using hand sanitizers when touching my face 😂, even though in the day I sometimes touch my face and forgot to do so. But washing hands is a good habit to have.
My skin now.
Very close up shot of my skin. Using the ever so honest iPhone camera 😂
No makeup, sunlight, just woken up. Taken with iPhone 13 front camera. No filter, I promise.
You could see the post acne scars and some redness which is just my skin being sensitive like it’s owner 😂 but in real life it’s good. I am very happy with how it looks now.
How my skin looks if it’s more far away 😂 as I am writing this blog. After this I am going to bed, haven’t done my nightly skincare. No makeup, artificial light, iPhone 13 front camera.
These are pictures of real skin from a graduate acne fighter. It has been through a lot. It had received lots of painful comment from other people.
I never did any laser or medical procedures between the first photo and today.
And I am grateful that it’s in the state it’s in now. I sometimes get acne when it’s TOTM especially around my chin. And my nose is like rudolph the rednose reindeer 🦌 especially when I eat a little bit too much icecream or cake 🍦🍰. I get redness on my chin too, to the point when people point out my lipstick smudged 💄 and I said it’s just my skin being sensitive ✨.
And that wraps up this lengthy post!
Thankyou for reading and sorry for the long post! I hope this somehow helped you.
Last message from me for this post is, sometimes what you thought as acne might not be acne, so better to see your dermatologist or medical provider if you are unsure.
I’ve been there fellow acne fighters. I know how frustrating and draining it is. How some people just are so mean about it. How you scrolled through countless social media post and wishing how much it was different.
You will get through this. You know you will.
I’ve met people who said things like “the people who criticize your appearance are those who cares about you.”
No. Just no.
You don’t deserve to be criticized for something you don’t want. You don’t deserve to feel shitty about something you couldn’t control.
Please don’t let other people said it’s your fault. Please don’t believe it’s your fault.
They don’t know what’s it like. If they do know, they wouldn’t say those things in the first place because they know how much it hurt them in the past.
I actually wanted to make a illustration today but apparently my lazy and tired self took over and I decided to just write my 2021 recap the way I used to write my yearly recap.
(you know, just writing this down)
So… what’s different in 2021?
In a way nothing too different than how 2020 turned out to be. The world is still in a pandemic, and things haven’t returned to the way they were. But we are learning and we are hopeful.
The notable things that happened this year were:
Catching up with old friends
In 2020, I didn’t get to catch up with friends that much, on account of Covid and because still a junior in residency (which basically means our lives belongs to our seniors. Not our own)
Happy to report that in 2021 I get to meet up with old friends again. And they reminded me of the good old days, and how some people that wanted to stay will always stay.
Wish I could meet them more often in 2022.
New hobbies and better planning
I picked up new hobbies in 2021 and they helped me with my free time and made me happier. Keeping me sane during the time as a resident.
May 2022 be the time where I could do my hobbies more and finding new productive ones too.
“Ripping your own band-aid”
One of my best friend said this to me recently. They are right, I did rip my own band-aid this year, which were necessary for my growth and my progress.
It did hurt. It really did.
But God’s timing is always the best timing. Believe in Him and I’ll be okay.
So… 2021 resolution
My 2021 resolution were
Be happier
Enjoy the small things in life
Do the little things that matters for my future
I am happy to say that I achieved all that. I’ll give myself a pat on the back for achieving all of those. 🍷
My 2022 resolution
I really like writing three main points to achieve for the next year. All of them are attainable and reasonable. And most importantly, good for my mental health well being. Because lets face it, the pandemic hits us hard. Being a resident doesn’t help either.
So with 3 more minutes in my time zone for the clock to strikes midnight, these are my 2022 resolution
1. Taking care of myself more
2. Be more attentive to other people around me
3. Be more grateful and thankful for what I have and what will happen in the future
Hi everyone! I just finished my national exam last week and received news that I passed it on Monday. Yay. So happy.
So this week has been good. A post exam week which tends to be less stressful (of course). And oh boy do I have a lot of things to share about, but currently still making the illustrations and making the time and effort to get myself to type the post on the computer 😂. Will soon get onto that.
For today I’ll write a mini review for the things that arrived in the mail this week. Hope you’ll enjoy!
Disclaimer: I have no affiliations with the sellers I mentioned here and everything is my honest opinion.
TWSBI Eco Pastel Blue in EF nib
Remember when I said I’ve fallen into a rabbit hole of fountain pen collecting hobbies? Yeah. This is one of them.
TWSBI Eco Pastel Blue in EF nib
My current favorite pen is this TWSBI Eco. This is the pastel blue one (which is supposed to be a limited edition but not sure since my seller had some stock). I got it for about 470k rupiah which is about 30 dollar ish. I got it here
This is my first piston filled pen and my very first TWSBI too. I didn’t really like demonstators but this pastel blue one is cute, it looks more cornflower blue and sometimes a bit periwinkle ish.
The seller was very helpful. Because having tried Japanese and German pens, I lean towards Japanese more because of its fine lines and preciseness. The seller gave me a comparison of nibs between TWSBI and Sailor pens, also gave me a brief description of how it feels (smooth, a little bit of feedback. Which I found to be true).
Using it for a while, I like the bigger ink capacity, the smoothness and the fine lines it makes. The nib is not as sharp(?) as japanese fine nibs, but I didn’t find it to be annoying. I like it too because it’s a bit dryer so ink dries faster (I write quite fast). I think the EF nib is the perfect everyday pen if you have smaller handwriting, writes a lot and writes fast.
Comparison with the Pilot Metropolitan F nib. Same ink. Same paper.
Definitely worth to try. A great everyday fountain pen. Very consistent too. Great for beginners.
Pilot Iroshizuku in Shin-Ryoku
I got a Pilot Kakuno as a birthday gift for a acquaintance and because I wanted to buy something for me from this seller (which I bought my own Kakuno and my Metropolitan), I got myself a new ink, even though my ink collection is mostly green inks 😂
I got them for 99k rupiah for 15mL which is around 7 dollars. I got it here
My failed attempt of swatching 😂 as you can see the ink is super smooth and shades nicely
It’s a really nice forest green color, no shimmer. Can be used for professional workplace because it’s quite dark. But the green is more vibrant using a broader nib.
It is very wet and smooth. This is my second Iroshizuku ink (first is the Tsuki-yo. A blue color) and as usual Pilot nails it.
Zebra Clickart Color Marker Dark Set
I really like colored pens and markers. I’ll use any brand. My go to is the Steadler fineliner and a local brand Joyko markers.
My criteria for markers are just it have to be dark enough for anyone to read because even though I use cream color paper, I think some colors are too light and bright to read.
By the power of Youtube recommendations (lol), I know about the Zebra clickart which is a colored marker but with the clicking mechanism.
When I browsed the online e-commerce site. I happened to found one seller that sells them. The seller sells three set, standard, bright and dark (which I got here).
I got it around 160k rupiah which is about 11 dollars. Kind of steep but it’s Zebra, and we get 12 pcs. I got them here
The swatches and the color code
I like it because all of them showed dark and nicely on paper. The colors are nice too, I like my blues and greens so this is perfect for me. My favorite is the number 29 turquoise blue. As for the use… they’re okay. They’re 0.6mm which is thicker than what I usually use, but it’s fine. Definitely worth checking out if you like darker color markers. I like that the case is compact too, perfect for carrying around (where to though 😂)
Definitely will be put into good use ✏
Okay that’s what I got in the mail this week! Very happy with them.
It’s already next last 2 months of 2021. This year really did pass in a blink of an eye. Second year of living in a pandemic world. What a really weird time to be alive.
And tomorrow is the 31st of October! We don’t really celebrate halloween in Indonesia. Also my Dad is very strictly Christian so yeah, we didn’t celebrate it in our household too. But I always wonder is it fun? It’s scorching hot here in Surabaya and the only time I experienced fall was when I went to Japan in December of 2017 (Actually it was winter but some areas were still fall), the yellow and orange leaves were so beautiful. I wish to go back. Or maybe somewhere to see the leaves turned fiery colors.
A local chef made pumpkin spice everything in her menu this week and my sisters and I got them to try. They were very good. I love pumpkin flavored things.
Thankyou for reading!
I made an illustration too for this post! Hope you’ll enjoy it 😂
Here you go, an illustration of my version of the zombie on the pumpkin 🎃 Have a great weekend everyone!
Because I write this post in a sunny Sunday morning
So Hi guys. It’s been a while.
Life has been treating me with some punches but also some laughter along the way. But you know, that’s residency for you 😅
I have so many things to update this blog about but with a national exam coming up I’ll try to update a little.
Got my 3rd vaccine jab a few days ago (Healthcareworkers in Indonesia got 2 doses of Sinovac vaccine at the beginning of the year and got a privilege to get a 3rd jab with Moderna). I hadn’t really researched what the side effects were other than stories from my friends who got the jab earlier than me.
People said the effects were massive and they were feeling awful, local pain, fever, even some nauseousness and restlessness.
While a few little said nothing really happened. Only local pain for a while.
Thankfully I got the vaccine at Thursday so I only have one day to be at the hospital with the vaccine side effects and then get to rest for the weekend.
Apparently I belong to the latter group 😅
The first day I couldn’t move left arm.
The second day I could move it more, I felt little bit unwell (a bit of a fever) in the afternoon, took a nap for two hours and woke up feeling fresh again.
By the third day I feel totally fine, I couldn’t lift my arm all the way up but I think it’s fine.
New (Old) Hobbies
As you read from my previous post, I started to draw again. But also, I started writing more (fiction, journals).
It’s all because I opened up an email mailbox that haven’t been active for a while. That email was linked to my old blog that I stopped writing in 2017 (story for another day), but actually you can read them here
To be honest, reading my old blog is like reading from someone else’s view, even though it’s 19 year old me. And I asked myself did I change for the better or not. But I certainly wished that there are more things I was more passionate about. I mean I still like the things I liked then, but not as passionate.
And that includes writing. I wish I kept track of what my days looked like. I wish I could look back with proof like diary entries.
So that’s what I do. The last time I write consistently is when I was in 6th grade.
Being someone who is very hard to express her feelings (and not allowed to in most situations), I usually write stories and pour a bit of what I am feeling there. I don’t know, something about writing about it in third person view gave me new insights of the problem.
But what happens if I am in a writers block? I don’t write that much in the last few years and I repressed my feelings more and more. Making me into someone who is more pessimistic, and letting myself be consumed by residency and life.
Journaling felt like an outlet where I could write anything that I feel about. Be it good or bad, be it silly or it means something. No one would judge (although pretty sure if people read it, some people would get pretty upset) and the best thing is that I can write or draw anything there 😂
New Interest
I’ve always been someone who likes stationaries. I love cream colered lined notebooks, and I like thin line gel pens, also color markers and color pencils.
But ecommerce and youtube somehow brought me into the fountain pen world and… yep, now I write with fountain pens 😂 and let me tell you it’s a rabbit hole guys. I’ll make a dedicated post and write reviews about it.
So… I guess that’s my update. I don’t know why but I really feel like I am finding myself again through this hobbies.
Drawing makes me realize how my life path is very different than who my teacher in highschool thought I would be. It made me realize that I don’t have to fit into a box of other people expectations.
While writing is the essence of who I am as an individual. Something that I always associate as an innate thing.
I guess it’s a good update right? I hope that in every struggle you are going through, you don’t lose yourself. I hope that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So as you guys may realize, I add my own illustrations to the blogpost now and so far I’ve been loving how it adds some kind of personal touch to the otherwise too-many-words-post.
When I picked up my pencil and started drawing again, I suddenly remembered about an eccentric art teacher that I had when I was in 7th grade.
I think most art teachers are generally nice, most of them really values the students hard work and gave their best input for the students to move forward. At least that’s what I experienced for most of my school years.
Except in 7th grade. There was this new teacher, let’s call him Mr.A, he was a 30 year old-something male with an art degree from the states. He spoke mostly English (his nationality is Indonesian), had this salt and pepper hair, quite tall. When you see him, you’ll definitely get that he’s an artist type despite dressing very formally when he teach.
At first we didn’t know what was coming since he seemed pretty normal. And because we only had art class once a week, we didn’t really get to know him.
I had arts as my extracurricular and I mostly remember being taught by other art teacher and he’s the best. So I remember him most of my Junior High School years rather than Mr.A.
So Mr.A was very talented (of course) and because he was quite quirky, art classes were not conventional drawing but rather he taught us history lessons and different styles of drawing.
One of those I remember was when he put an object in the middle of the class and we were instructed not to look at our papers and never to lift our pencils off.
This is what probably I looked like. I look like that most of the time anyway, when having a writers block
I had this crazy talented friend, lets call her N. N was and still is very good at drawing, and she prides herself for it. (Probably I would too if I had her talent)
I submitted mine and the next week he gave our works back.
I was sitting next to N and I remember N cried so loud and when I asked her why she gave me her paper with tears falling down her cheeks.
It looked amazing like usual, but a big 50 with a bright red marker was on the paper.
She didn’t accept the mark and she went to Mr.A and she asked him why did he give him a 50 (passing grade was 60 at the time) and he replied that her drawings hadn’t mature yet and he didn’t think it’s a good drawing. He wanted to give it a lower score but she should be grateful he gave her a 50.
N looked so shocked as she sat down and she kept quiet the whole time, as tears fell down her cheeks.
And if you asked me, how did I do?
I got 30 if I am not mistaken 😂
Thankfully, we only got him as our art teacher for a year before getting my extracurricular art teacher as our main art teacher.
And also, thankfully, N still draws until this day and her talent grew even more.
That’s the thing about harsh critiques, it either made you a better person or made you give up. I was lucky I never pride myself in arts so I stayed true to my style and met supporting teachers my whole life.
When I decided to write however the way I want here, I also took that liberation to the way I design my blog too. The zombie design was original and not gonna lie, I’d met some harsh criticism too. But at the end of the day, we do what we want to do and we do our best.
Let’s go, a 2020 appreciation/reflection post! I typed this as I just woken up from a nap (who takes a nap at 8 PM and woke up at 11 PM? Just me? Alright) and I realized that I haven’t make any 2020 reflection post.
What can I say? 2020 has been a pretty… weird year so far. The pandemic sucks, really. Thankfully as I know that I am in the freshmen year of residency, I don’t really have much of an agenda regarding things outside of residency because I know how much my life will revolve around residency.
Surprisingly there are loads of things that are good about 2020.
I am in good health.
These past few years I rarely see any problems regarding my health, but this year my health has been the best in a few years.
I didn’t get any high fever sore throat that I usually got every year.
All of my routine lab results are great.
I didn’t get any major injuries which is a great bonus.
Achieved my financial goals
This comes as a surprise for me since I stopped working in the end of 2019 to focus on my residency, which means I am no longer financially independent and I don’t have a steady income.
But God has been good, and the health minister (previous one that is) has been good to us, we got the thing that we never thought would happen in our lifetime. We got appreciation for residency (before this, residents in Indonesia work for free and we have to pay for education) due to the pandemic and most of us are up against the virus first hand (even me who is in a very different field), I am grateful that even though we are not a specialist yet, we got appreciated and acknowledged that we are still a physician.
(Okay the fireworks have just gone off)
Doing new hobbies and interests
Self explanatory. I have interests outside of the healthcare field and I am happy that I still managed to squeeze in some time for myself and my mental being. A few of my new interests made me realize that are loads of things to look forward in the future.
Great support from all the people around me
I have said loads of time that I love my friends and family members. But I think this year made me realize that I have more love than I ever imagined.
All of the 2020 resolution
Work harder, have more fun in everything I do, be grateful
I guess I achieved them all. Although I need more motivation to do things but overall it’s been great.
2021 Resolution
What is a new year post without any resolution?
Be happier.
Enjoy the small things in life.
Do the little things that matters for my future (eat well, exercise, me time, etc)
We have a slang for it in Indonesian. Ilfil. From the word Ilang (lost) and feeling. Commonly referred when you liked someone and one day they did something that made you lost interest in them. But the slang can be used in multiple different scenarios too.
In this weekend post I’ll write about my one experience losing respect for one of my… (I want to say friend but we were not that close to begin with) so I’ll say acquaintance.
Let me explain quickly about the healthcare system in Indonesia. We have a national healthcare system and a dozen of privately owned insurances. The national healthcare system were only implemented less than a decade ago and it has its downfalls and weird settings. It has its pros and cons, just like any other system.
A lot of privately owned healthcare insurances came into the market, some are older than the implementation of the national healthcare system. As a doctor in Indonesia we didn’t really get to learn about healthcare insurance when we were in college and we learnt as we worked in the government owned hospital and clinics, our mandatory government duties, etc.
But I am not here to give critique to the national healthcare system nor to bash on the privately owned healthcare insurances. I am not knowledgeable enough nor I worked long enough in a place that required me to understand about the system (I worked in a tertiary clinic that the national healthcare system covered twice a week for 4 months and in a private hospital’s ER for 4 months. Both definitely not long enough for me to gain enough knowledge)
One of my acquaintance is (or was? I don’t really know) an agent from a really big privately owned healthcare insurance. I’m sure most of Indonesians have heard of it. My acquaintance was not happy with his previous job and he decided to become an agent. He was very good looking and friendly, its quite impossible not to grow fond of him.
I remembered he asked for my assistance on explaining some of the medical terms he would have to understand to explain to his future clients. Which is understandable because he didn’t come from a medical background, I happily obliged and told him the things he needed to know.
As natural a agent would do, he asked if I wanted to “invest” in his company’s healthcare insurance.
(I really don’t think a healthcare insurance is an “investment” since I think that investing in health is definitely a must for everyone to realize, but I don’t know why do insurance agents always emphasizes on when you are sick you’ll lose a lot of money so you should have health insurance? I get it, fear is a good marketing strategy, but with the things happening in someone’s private life, do you need to interfere? Everyone has the rights of spending their hard owned money. Maybe I am biased since I had an experience when withdrawing my deposit in the bank an an insurance agent blatantly look at my transactions and interests and said I should invest in retirement plans and the interests from my deposit should cover the monthly fees. Talk about privacy violation)
I declined since I am already covered in the national healthcare system and my mom included us in an another (not my acquaintance’s) privately owned healthcare insurance. But he insisted he wanted to review our family’s health care policies by coming into our house and reviewed it together with my parents. My parents really hate strangers coming over since they are very private (my best friends are allowed to come over with no problems since they are my best friends. but acquaintance that barely talked before this? No way).
So that’s that and we didn’t talk afterwards.
Friends. Let me tell you something, people who suddenly contacted you after a long time of no contact either: somehow suddenly liked you and want to get to know you better (crushes and such), or want to offer something related to money.
I am not a confrontational person so when he posted something like when you are sick and have no money no doctor will help you (not true, I met amazing doctors that helped the poorest and the people in need) and only insurance is your way out. (not true either, I met people who are really sick and the insurance won’t cover their sickness, as much as people could point fingers at me, let me tell you the bitter truth. sometimes there are sickness that even unlimited money couldn’t help you. Doctors are humans after all, we can only do what our limited capabilities can do).
But what made me lose respect for him is when he posted about his insurance when the pandemic hits Indonesia.
In his post was he said. “are you sure you are covered? Are you sure that the hospital will give you rooms when you got the virus? join us now”
And I was angry.
The virus is a national, no, international disaster, are you saying that somehow the government will close their eyes and somehow said the national healthcare system won’t cover the patients with the virus? Gee, I know that the national healthcare system is not perfect but not like that too.
And what it is about hospital not wanting to give rooms to people without a specific insurance? Right now a lot of hospital rooms are full and you think that only VIP rooms are needed for the virus? No, you need proper isolation room and proper PPEs for the staff, not just the luxury of the air conditioner or the TVs that you promote so much.
What puts the nail in the coffin for me is how dare he uses the virus to spread fear so that people will join his insurance company? People are scared and he somehow uses this momentum to promote his insurance company???
Yep, and after that I lost all respect I have.
I know I should talk to him about it, but I realized that sometimes, some people are not capable of hearing criticism or listening that they were wrong.
I don’t make this post to “cancel” him or any other agents from insurance companies. One of my cousin is in the healthcare insurance and she is an amazing person, she showed me that not all insurance company agents used fear as a marketing strategy and it’s nice. And she really respected doctors, which made me know that insurance companies can grow without commenting on doctors, the healthcare system and the hospital.
Friends, listen (or read), we live in a horrible time today, with the pandemic and economic crash and all the things we can’t predict in the future. Please, please take care of each other, please be mindful of each other, don’t spread fear and don’t spread misinformation, as if what other people have in their plate is not already too much for them.
Stay indoors if you don’t absolutely need to go out from the house, wear your masks, wash your hands, stop touching your face, stop touching other people, love yourself and love your families and friends, watch over their backs, and watch your own back too. Physically and mentally.
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