Trapped Bird

So hi guys. *swat away cobwebs and dust bunnies* I hope that everyone is doing well, even though sometimes I wonder if I am doing that well myself *ehem*, anyway…

A few days ago I was preparing to go on my evening walk and my youngest sister came to me with tear filled eyes, I asked her what’s wrong and she said that she felt sad because of a bird.

The story is, earlier in the day, my maid set rat traps near the garden, the rat traps were those super glue traps that look like boards, my maid put some food on the board to lure the rats. Apparently, one bird wanted the food and got caught on the trap. My youngest sister and maid tried to pry the bird but to no avail. My maid gave up and said “it’s as good as dead anyway” those words made my soft hearted sibling cry. Bless her heart.

She asked me what to do, which, thank you for your trust sis. I told her that in my judgement, to leave the bird alone, something that she hesitated to follow.

“See, when a bird is trapped in a rat trap, we will try to release it by oil in hopes of the oil would dissolve the glue and set the bird free, but you had tried that and it didn’t work. How do we know if our efforts ends up hurting the bird more? One of our dogs got caught that trap once and we had to cut his fur, if we cut the bird’s wings, it couldn’t fly and probably would injure the bird in the process. So because of that, my judgement is to leave it.”

She asked me is it the same with patients? I told her yes, because we couldn’t save everyone. Sometimes the merciful thing to do is to let the patient out from treatment. I’ve seen it multiple times with cancer patients who have end stage cancers and decided to do end-of-life palliative care. She asked me if it broke my heart in the past.

It did. I’d be lying saying that some choices that the patients made didn’t broke my heart, even now.

I’d coped with saying that the patients have their own autonomy with their body, saying to myself that we already did our best, that in the last moment of their lives they didn’t suffer as much. In time, what consoled me the most is that knowing that one’s life is not up to me, I’m just here to help them, in turn, asking God to help me, knowing that everything is in His hands.

While I was walking that evening, I thought about a lot of things. About sometimes I tried to save people, but I am not anyone’s savior. I’d made peace with that fact since long ago.

I cannot help people who don’t want help. Who doesn’t know that they need it.

About the times I felt like a bird in a trap, where I felt like I’m trapped, and I don’t know what to do. I had been there, where everything looked dark and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I tried to fight and got hurt more in the process. Those days I stayed still, nothing changed in the stillness, but what changed is me. In perseverance, I got out from that trap. Yes, perhaps with broken wings, temporarily.

And it’s okay.